Teach Consent is the ability to set limits, be assertive, and recognize one’s own needs and those of others.

Teach Consent is about empowering them to respect themselves and others. In this guide, we’ll discuss why consent is necessary, the risks of not teaching it, and how to teach kids about consent at different ages.

Importance of Teaching Consent

The main reason you should teach your kids about permission is most likely to keep them from being sexually abused. Even though the facts are sad, no one wants to think about how children are sexually abused. CDC stands for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say that one in four girls and one in thirteen boys will be sexually abused as children. Also, 91% of the time, the child knows the person who hurt them, like a family member or caretaker.

“When kids know they have the right to choose when and how to use their bodies, they start to feel like they have control over all parts of their lives, not just their bodies.” she points out. 

It is very important to teach consent because it sets the stage for good boundaries and relationships. Kids learn to understand and accept others’ and their own boundaries. By teaching your child consent, you’re helping them learn to understand other people, talk to others, and accept their right to be alone.

Risks of Not Teaching Consent

An assistant professor of psychology in counseling at the University of  Nebraska–Lincoln, says that kids are more likely to be sexually abused if we don’t teach them about permission. We’re worsening sexual abuse in our country by not teaching kids about consent and body control and giving them the tools to report and resist it.

Dr. Jeglic also says that we can’t always rely on other people to show us this. She says that some states and schools do not teach permission. The only way for parents to control what their kids learn about sex is to keep an eye on what they see online or from their friends. Dr. Jeglić says that kids stay safe and learn accurate and useful information when they know about parental permission.

In addition, Dr. Jeglic says that kids who are open with their parents about their sexuality and physical agreement are more confident and less likely to become victims. Also, kids are much more likely to tell their parents if they think they are being abused.

Bad things can happen if you don’t teach permission. If kids don’t learn about consent, they might have trouble setting limits, which could hurt their relationships. That being said, they may also be easier to abuse and trick. By teaching your child about permission, you can keep them safe from these risks.

Preschool-Age Children

Despite appearances, you can discuss consent with your preschooler. New York State Office of Children and Family Services recommends starting these conversations with your child around three years old.

At this age, it’s easy and effective to teach your child the correct names for their body parts, including their private parts. Dr. Edwards says that we don’t use physically correct words like “penis” or “vagina” because they make us feel bad. Still, giving these words to our young children is important for good communication.”For instance, the teacher may not understand what One child tells her teacher that her uncle is touching her “cookie,” which is her vaginal opening,” Dr. Edwards points out.

Also, it’s important to teach little kids that no one should touch their private parts. They should learn that they own their bodies and that it’s okay to say no to touching that they don’t want. “They should also be taught that others should always respect their words and they can always tell others if they don’t want to be touched (not sexually) or not, like when someone hugs, cuddles, or tickles them says Dr. Jeglic.  

Primary School Age Children

Dr. Edwards advises discussing body autonomy and consent with older children. Tell your kids what to do if someone touches them too much or badly.

She advises kids to yell “No!” or run away if someone touches or hurts them. “They should identify the reliable adults from whom they can discern improper touching.”

Dr. Jeglic advises educating kids that permission and boundaries are mutual. “They should learn that if they want to touch, hug, or snuggle someone, they need to ask for permission,” she says.

Last but not least, kids should learn about secrets. People who are sexual predators often tell them that what they do is a “secret,” and kids this age think that if someone tells you a secret, you have to keep it a secret. Rationale Against Rape, Abuse, and Incest (RAINN) says this is not at all true when it comes to sexual abuse and touching that isn’t acceptable.  Children need to know this.  

Girls and Teens

Children need early consent talks because they’ll be teens soon and these subjects will be increasingly important. As they enter puberty, kids feel embarrassed discussing these things. Making fundamental principles and communication channels early will make discussing these things with your kids easier as they get older.

You want to emphasize consent in relationships, romantic or not, with tweens and teens. Dr. Jeglic advises you to demonstrate in your relationships that permission is dynamic and should always be honored. Teens should be taught the value of verbal, enthusiastic, explicit permission when it comes to sexual behavior.

RAINN advises using the media to start some of these conversations with your teenager. You might find out what they think of something that happened on social media. You might talk about how movies and television shows portray consent. It could also be helpful to relate to your children via your personal experiences with these topics. The important thing is to talk to your kids straight out and not avoid these problems.

Conclusion

Teaching your child about consent is one of the most important lessons you can impart. Start early, model respect, and have open conversations to help your child navigate relationships confidently and politely.